I am in the dark without you here to guide me.
I am 12 years older, awake, wondering about lightness.
I do not dwell anywhere. I visit rooms in me.
I know relief, I tend to frolic.
Before the internet existed, I studied myself and others
zoomed in to find reasons for subtle changes.
It has been a very long time since I woke up suddenly.
After her death I couldn’t stop crying even when it was time to sleep.
Can I use zoom to have a video call with my mom?
Will I ever see her again?
I think I will in a place where scenes change like
Almost Heaven
where I see my life in movie scenes like
Albert Brooks watches his reactions.
I save tattoo ideas, little flower girl rosy cheeks
cherries, strawberries, sweetness styles
little bandanas in their hair
A folder of roses for mom and classic hearts
I follow a tattoo artist on Instagram
each tattoo is of a black and white female face, a girl
with storm clouds, tears, deep expressions, fire, smiles tears
ocean waves, unique angles like me, (my head tilts like Venus)
she is etched into forever, the universe, and skin
with eyes to view and visit different worlds.